


Cold Steel, Broken Heart

by Casisnotonfire



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, M/M, chapter 84 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-26 01:45:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16672423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casisnotonfire/pseuds/Casisnotonfire
Summary: Eren knows the Captain will never be the same again.





	Cold Steel, Broken Heart

Ever since the Thirteenth Commander's death, the Captain seemed....different. His stern and unmoved face hadn't changed, and his less than eloquent way of speaking had remained the same. Unfortunately, those were the only similarities Eren could find with the Captain now compared to the Captain before.   
  


He never met anyone's eyes after they returned from the battle. The hot steel that would burn those foolish enough to look directly at them had cooled significantly. The confident manner in which he would stare at someone had completely left him. There was no fire alight in those dark orbs, the fire that had encouraged Eren's own ambitions and fanned his anger. Instead they seemed constantly transfixed with the cold cobblestone underfoot. Not even the Fourteenth Commander could lift those shattered eyes from their trance.

 

He often forgot things, trivial details that hardly mattered in the long run. There were many times he would be late to the cadets training, or simply not arrive at all. Eren was usually sent to look for him, as it seemed the Captain could not even handle the new Commander's presence. Eren suspected it hurt too much to look at the Thirteenth Commander's replacement. It was never hard to find him. Despite Knowing his exact whereabouts though, it was difficult for Eren to push open the door and walk into the cluttered room. Books still lay strewn about, a reminder that the room had never been cleaned up, even after the years that had passed. No one had the heart to destroy the Captain's last link to his Commander. 

 

He was always sat in the same place as Eren entered the abandoned bedroom, curled tightly in on himself as he sank into the warm desk chair. The Captain was usually sleeping, another odd new phenomenon Eren had never witnessed until the battle. The circles under his eyes never did disappear, and the Captain still shivered from the cold even with the too-big Survey Corps jacket he always kept wrapped around him. 

 

He only seemed to worsen as more time passed, Eren unable to do anything other than watch. The Fourteenth Commander was frequently seen hauling the Captain off to bed after he'd had too much to drink, the shorter man too exhausted to even mumble complaints. Those nights were always the worst, with every soldier unable to block out the drunk Captain's mournful wails. The morning after usually involved Eren bringing over a small breakfast for him, leaving it at the door in hopes of him taking it. He never did.

 

When the Captain hadn't shown up to another training session for the cadets, Eren had once again been sent to find him. Hoping to persuade him easily to come help, Eren quickly made him a cup of his favorite tea. Even as he went to this effort though, Eren knew the Captain would never enjoy the tea he made for him. Only one person had ever been successful with brewing a tea to his standards, and he was no longer there. Armed with the cup nevertheless, Eren headed for the infamous room.

 

Upon entering, Eren was once again greeted by the same image he was forced to witness. His dark hair spilling over his eyes, the wild locks free to rest wherever they pleased without the threat of being brushed back into place. His head was bent, a frail hand running over the smooth wood of a forgotten desk. The same coat that did not belong to him wrapped tightly around his body, as if to shield him from the world. Eren crept closer, moving quietly so as not to startle him.

 

"Captain Levi? Commander Hange was wondering if you could help with the cadets." He didn't miss the way the small raven flinched at his words. He'd stopped trying to hide his inner thoughts long ago.

 

Dull eyes slowly lifted, though they never made it to Eren's. "Tell the Commander I will be out shortly." He replied, his voice hoarse and unused. Eren watched the Captain's hand grasp at the necklace hanging around his neck, enclosing over the blue gem that had been passed onto him.

 

"Captain...it's been years. Don't you...don't you think it's time?" He asked, softly gazing at the smaller man sadly.

 

If Eren had spoken to the Captain like this before, he would've surely been beaten by him for questioning authority. All Eren received now was the older raven hugging the jacket around him even tighter. Anger burned inside the shifter and, before he could stop himself, he slammed his hand onto the old Commander's desk.

 

"After all this time, are you really going to just give up?! That isn't what the Commander wanted, and you know it! Humanity needs you, you can't just leave them!" Eren shouted, all of his rage letting loose on the person he once respected more than anyone else. So lost in his anger, it took him a couple minutes to see the streams of tears sliding down the Captain's face.

 

"C-Captain..."

 

"What am I supposed to do?" He whispered, his voice sounding almost strangled by tears. 

 

Eren stopped, not sure what to say. What  _could_ he say?

 

"I have lost...everyone. Every single person. And you...want me to move on? Move on...from  _him_ _?_ " Dark grey eyes raised further, and Eren's breath caught as he realized they were making direct eye contact. Still, he didn't dare say anything.

 

"Tell me  _how._ Tell me, since I have no clue how to even go about doing that!" He slowly got out of his seat, more angry tears spilling down his cheeks.

 

"Captain Levi...." Eren tried, his words failing him once again. The raven stood before him, completely broken. And Eren feared there was no possible repair.

 

"You have many people who still care for you-"

 

"Not like him!" His voice was shrill, hands clenching at his sides as if to protect himself.

 

"No one...no one is like Erwin."

 

He sank back into his chair, his outburst seeming to take what little energy he had left. "He shouldn't have died. I should've...I should've been selfish for once in my life." The Captain buried his face in his knees, and it was Eren who had to look away from the sight before him.

 

"I'll...I'll tell the Commander you're busy at the moment." Eren mumbled, suddenly feeling very out of place. He took a few steps back, cringing at the soft sobs coming from his superior. Eren turned on his heels, marching for the door. He was halfway out of the room when his Captain spoke again, and Eren would forever wish he'd gotten out faster.

 

 

 

_"I'm sorry, Erwin. I'm so sorry."_

 

**Author's Note:**

> With chapter 84 about to be animated, I figured I'd write a fic purely to feed into my grieving. It literally does nothing other than make you feel bad, but I hope you all enjoyed it nevertheless!


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